Archive for the ‘Sex Advice’ Category
Why Do So Many Guys Break Up Over the Phone?
Author: Dave Navarro
Q:
Why do so many guys break up over the phone? It seems really disrespectful and uncaring, and pretty tactless.
A:
I happen to be a break-up-over-thephone guy myself. (I know I’ll get shit for that, but it’s true.) For me, if I’m at a place where I know I’m no longer interested in pursuing a relationship, I make it known as soon as I can. But I’m talking about relationships that are months long, not marriages or when a couple lives together. The reason I opt for a phone call is simple: I don’t want to throw out false hope and have a breakup meeting be mistaken for a date or an attempt at reconciliation. If I ask to get together knowing I want to end things, I don’t think it’s fair to make plans, have her get ready, and meet somewhere simply so she can listen to the reasons why I wish to end things. What then? We walk away and drive home? That just sounds awful.
Many people say, “It should be face-to-face, blah, blah, blah.” Why? If you don’t want to see someone, isn’t seeing them to break up counterproductive? I’d rather a woman break up with me over the phone. I’m not interested in taking time out of my day only to be told, “By the way, that hour you spent getting ready to come here? That was for nothing, because I never want to see you again.”
The fact is, it sucks to hear your partner isn’t interested anymore. Don’t cling to how horrible he is for breaking up that way. That just lets you avoid looking at your own actions. The better bet is to accept it’s over and try to learn what changes, if any, you need to make in your own life. If your side is clean, it’s his loss.
P.S.: An in-person breakup can include an emotional tidal wave that the “ender” isn’t really interested in dealing with. I know it sounds cold, but once they’re out, they’re out. Why would they want to sit through tears and drama and character assas sinations? Usually after such an onslaught of baggage, the “ender” walks away thinking, Thank God I did that! If that was a preview of the next ten years, I just dodged a major bullet. The “endee” should turn to friends for support. Leave the “ender” wondering if he or she did the right thing. Don’t validate their deepest fears by making them sit through the agony of watching a breakdown.