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I’ve been seeing the same guy for two months. We always use condoms, but I’m wondering when it’s safe to stop using them. How long should we wait if we’re in a monogamous relationship?

The Pet doctor: If you want to be completely safe, you should not stop using condoms until both of you get comprehensive tests for sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Even if someone is totally honest about their past test results, there is always the possibility that they have an asymptomatic STI or that the symptoms have not shown up yet. Most STIs have an incubation period during which they are undetectable by tests. For example, it takes from one to six months for HIV antibodies to be detectable in a test. And some people never have any symptoms of HPV, herpes, or chlamydia. Suggest to your partner that you both get tested to put you both at ease about stopping condom use. Make sure to get tests for HIV, herpes, hepatitis B and C, gonorrhea, chlamydia, HPV, bacterial vaginosis, and trichomoniasis.

If you really want to be supersafe, you’ll want to have these tests performed—or re-performed—at least six months after the last time you or your guy had sex with anyone else. But remember, you have to trust that your partner is being sexually exclusive with you, and believes in the same definition of monogamy as you do.

The Downs side: To be safe, wait six months after your last potentially risky sexual encounter. Six months is the maximum amount of time it takes for HIV antibodies to show up in a test. Three months is the minimum. If you test negative at three months, it’s pretty unlikely that the test was wrong. But to be absolutely sure, you should get retested at six months.

Other sexually transmitted infections, such as chlamydia and syphilis, also take up to three months to show up in a test. Gonorrhea can be detected within a week.

If you’ve been monogamous and using condoms for two months, but right before you hooked up with your boyfriend you had unprotected sex (blowjobs count, by the way), then wait another month and get tested. If neither of you were having sex for at least a month prior to the start of your relationship, then you can go ahead and have your tests done now.

Once you get the all-clear, then you can feel better about ditching the condoms. Remember, however, that monogamy is an assumption based on trust. You have to decide for yourself what you’re willing to risk on trusting the guy.

Most people in long-term monogamous relationships are willing to bet that their partners aren’t sneaking around sharing needles and having high-risk sex. But sometimes that’s exactly what their partners are doing.

I know plenty of couples who were together for years before they stopped using condoms. That’s partly because condoms are a cheap and easy way to prevent pregnancy. Not everyone wants to be on the Pill. But to someone who has cheated or been cheated on in the past, it can take a long time to be fully convinced that things are as they seem.

My girlfriend loves sexy lingerie and I love seeing her in it. She’s dragged me into one or two stores to show me what she likes. I think she expects me to surprise her by buying something for her, but I hate shopping. How can I get around this?

The Pet doctor: The easiest way to shop for lingerie these days is online. Find out her size by checking out the labels on the lingerie she currently wears, then search online for the styles that she prefers and order them. Penthouse has an extremely sexy line of lingerie, available at PenthouseStore.com.

If you decide to get a bra and panties, make sure they match or coordinate. If you don’t like to choose, just buy her a gift certificate to stores she likes—you can do that in person or online.

The Downs side: Use the internet. Shopping for lingerie online not only provides more variety to suit your predilections, but after scrolling through page after page of hot models in hot merchandise, you might just be inspired to rub one out before checking out.

A few online lingerie retailers I’d recommend are PenthouseStore .com, of course, Trashy.com, and AgentProvocateur.com. My personal favorite is PeriodCorsets.com, although I’ll admit it’s not for everyone.

Still hate shopping? Then my guess is that you must be cheap or broke. Shopping isn’t so bad if you have some money to spend and you don’t mind spending it. But in my experience, it’s a drag when everything seems to be out of my price range, or if I just don’t feel like opening my wallet.

You might also have developed an aversion to shopping by shopping only with women, which can dull and confuse your natural male shopping instincts. Men tend to shop differently than women do, I’ve noticed. To really appreciate the difference, you should go shopping with another man.

Recently, I had the honor of taking my best friend shopping for an engagement ring. He was planning to propose to his girlfriend the very next day. He had a pretty good idea of what he wanted and how much he could pay. We walked into the store, spent five minutes looking, and spotted the perfect ring. At this point, I think, a woman would have put that ring down, and gone on to spend another three weeks looking at rings at ten different stores, just to be sure she wasn’t missing a better one. But what did we guys do? I said, “Yeah, it’s a beaut.” My friend said, “Yeah, it is, and I can afford it.” I said, “Buy it.” He bought it, and we left. All in all, we spent maybe 20 minutes in the store. And do you know what? It was the perfect ring. His girl loved it, and she said yes.

The moral of the story is that guys can shop, and can even enjoy shopping, when allowed to shop like guys—which is to say, like commandos.

But before you embark on a lingerie-shopping mission, it’s important to first gather intelligence on sizing. If you overestimate her size, you imply that she looks bigger than she is. Underestimate her size, and you’ll make her feel bad when she can’t squeeze into the garment. Either way, you fail.

To be confident in your purchases, collect as much information as possible. It’s not enough to know, for example, that she wears a size medium T-shirt. You need to know her bust, waist, and hip measurements, her height, approximate weight, dress size, and bra band and cup sizes.

There is no straightforward way to obtain this information. To simply ask for it would be tacky. It must be gathered by stealth. The cleverer you are about it, the greater the impression you’ll make when, as if by magic, you produce lacy/silky/leathery underthings that fit her perfectly, proving to her that you’re a guy worth wearing them for.

I’ve read a lot on how to strengthen the PC muscle to allow a male to have multiple orgasms without ejaculation, and I’ve practiced the exercises. Now it seems that I can hold back my ejaculate, but I can’t orgasm and I can’t figure out why. Any advice?

The Pet doctor: To experience a “dry orgasm,” you need to learn to relax while holding back your ejaculate. You may be tensing up your entire body to the point of preventing yourself from reaching an orgasm. Don’t focus too much on climaxing. Instead, enjoy slow, pressure-free intercourse. Tell yourself that you don’t have to have an orgasm to enjoy this experience. You can also try adding stimulation to bring on an orgasm while holding back your ejaculate. Touching your nipples, gently squeezing your testicles with your hand, or digital stimulation of the prostate can bring on the orgasm. If you don’t like the thought of a finger in your ass, try sexual aids that are designed to stimulate the prostate.

The Downs side: Although you might have been trying to achieve multiple orgasms, you’ve actually trained yourself to fuck forever without coming. It’s good to learn ejaculatory control, but there’s a limit to how long you can hold back from the point of no return before the sexual tension dissipates and you’re effectively done, orgasm or not.

Have you ever noticed how a back scratch stops feeling good if it goes on for too long? It’s because the friction of fingernails on skin isn’t pleasurable in and of itself. It’s how your brain processes that sensation that makes it feel so good. After a certain point, the pleasure ends, even if the friction continues.

It’s the same with sex. You have to stop for a while to reset your brain-penis pleasure circuit, kind of like power-cycling your modem when you lose your internet connection. But what you probably do instead is thrust harder and faster in an attempt to come. That only makes things worse, because too much friction desensitizes your penis.

Keep working on your multiple-orgasm project, but don’t be too committed to it. Your sex life shouldn’t feel like work, and it isn’t a competitive sport.

Experiment with your ejaculatory control every now and then, but more often than not, you should let go and bust a nut whenever you feel like it. And remember, another way to have multiple orgasms is to have sex multiple times. I think that sounds like more fun, don’t you?

A lot of my buddies don’t agree with me, but I’m okay with having sex when my girlfriend has her period. The problem is that she’s not into it. Is there any way I can convince her to try it?

The Downs side: You guys are always asking for advice on how to “convince her” to do this or that. It’s like you’re trial lawyers looking for an expert witness to help you make your case. I’m sorry, but I can’t testify that there are any solid reasons for her to have sex during her period if she doesn’t want to. You might be, like Dave Foley on Kids in the Hall, a “guy with a good attitude toward menstruation,” proclaiming to embrace his woman’s monthly flow, even if it is “a raging rust-colored torrent, an unbridled river of life-giving blood flowing from between her legs!”

But most men, and women for that matter, don’t have a good attitude toward menstruation. I recall that, when traveling in Asia with my wife, some parts of the ancient Buddhist temples we visited were off-limits to women. On those occasions that she was denied entry, it was explained that the intrusion of a menstruating woman upon the sacred space would make it unclean.

In modern America, our collective attitude toward menstruation is no different. Think of “sanitary napkins” and “feminine hygiene” products. Sanitation and hygiene, by definition, are measures we take to prevent disease.

But consider this: You can have a schnoz full of mucus teeming with infectious germs, and yet you don’t blow it into a “sanitary napkin.” You use “facial tissue.” And you use toilet paper, not “anal hygiene” products to wipe your ass. The implication is that menstrual blood is somehow dirtier and more dangerous than snot and poop.

Still, there’s really no health-related argument against having period sex. It won’t harm her. And unless she’s got HIV or hepatitis, it won’t harm you, either.

It all comes down to how comfortable she is with letting you share her menses. To her, menstruation is probably a deeply personal thing, and one that may have an element of shame for her. To some, proposing to have sex at that time of the month is like saying, “Hey, how ’bout I stick my dick in your embarrassing bloody secret?”

Yet there are plenty of other women who wouldn’t mind a spot of red on the sheets if you don’t. I just don’t think that any amount of convincing can change the former into the latter.

The Pet doctor: It depends on the reasons behind her dislike of fornication during menstruation. Is she a neat freak who dreads a drop of blood smearing her silk sheets? Does she get severe PMS symptoms and a lot of cramps before and during her period? Or does she have hemophobia—an irrational fear of blood? If she is a neatnik, it’s unlikely that you’ll be able to overcome her cleanliness OCD—after all, sex during a woman’s period gets quite messy.

There are some women, particularly those who experience strong PMS symptoms, who feel a total lack of desire during their period. Some get bloated due to water retention, while others feel intercourse makes their cramps worse. If your girlfriend is afflicted with these problems, you don’t want to add to her agony by pushing her to have sex.

However, if her reluctance is simply due to an irrational fear of bloody sex, you might convince her to try it by telling her that you find sex during her period to be a special turn-on because the spots of blood make you feel like you are deflowering a virgin. Be sure to do it a few days after her period has started, when the flow is not as heavy. Offer to wear a condom if she thinks a bloody penis is disturbing. To reduce blood flow during intercourse she can wear a cervical cap, which she can get from her OB-GYN.

Another alternative she can ask her doctor about is natural bath sponge; a piece of the sponge moistened in water before she inserts it will absorb most of the blood. She just has to be careful to remove it completely. Make sure to put lots of towels on the bed. Personally, I enjoy having sex during my period—making a bloody mess feels cathartic in a primal kind of way.

I thought the G spot worked for all women, but I’ve recently been told by one woman that stimulating that hot spot does nothing for her. Have I lost my touch, or are there more women out there who feel the same way?

The Downs side: The G spot is like an orgasmic detonator for some women; others don’t even believe they have a G spot. They’re probably both right.

In a headline-grabbing study published last year, researchers in England asked 1,800 women if they have a “so-called G spot,” described as a nickel-size area on the front wall of the vagina that is “sensitive to deep pressure.” A little more than half of the women answered that yes, they were aware of having such a thing.

Now, it happens that all of the women surveyed were twins. The researchers were interested in finding out if pairs of twins would each give the same answer. They expected to find that identical twins would always say the same thing, and that nonidentical twin sisters would more often answer the question differently. As it turned out, the identical-twin pairs didn’t give matching answers any more than the nonidentical twins. The researchers concluded that if identical twins, whose bodies are exact genetic copies, don’t always agree about having a G spot, the G spot must not be real.

That conclusion caused a major shit storm. On one side, there were people cheering the study because it would help many women stop worrying about being unable to locate the G spot or make it “work.” On the other side, there was howling over the condescending denial of a thing that women with sensitive G spots know is definitely there.

If nothing else, this study does help to answer your question: The proportion may not be fifty-fifty, because most women in the world are not British twins, but clearly there are plenty of women out there who don’t get off on G-spot stimulation. You’ve met one, and you’ll meet others.

What should you do then? Simple. Do whatever else it is that makes her come, and whatever makes you come, and forget all about spots.

The Pet doctor: Unlike the clit, which all women have and enjoy having stimulated, the G spot can be an elusive and variable destination. There are women who don’t seem to have a G-spot, and there are those who dislike G-spot stimulation because it makes them feel like urinating. As some women get older, they are more likely to feel G-spot stimulation because their vaginal walls thin out with declining estrogen support. And yet other women seem to have an equivalent of a G spot in a different part of their vagina.

It’s hard to tell whether you’ve simply missed the spot or if she doesn’t enjoy that sort of stimulation. You can buy a curved G-spot stimulator toy and try probing her vagina all around, imagining there is a clock inside it and stimulating it on every “hour.” You may find that G spot, or one of the other spots which some women may enjoy stimulating, such as the E-zone, or epicenter, which is located just above the cervix on the upper wall of the vagina, a few inches above the G spot. Some women experience “uterine” orgasms from stimulation of this area. Or she may like the AFEZone stimulation, which stands for the Anterior Fornix Erogenous Zone, or the area in front of the cervix. So turn yourself into her pleasure explorer. Who knows what treasure spots you’ll find inside her love canal? And if you don’t find any, just focus on that good old standby—her clit. It will never fail to respond to your stimulation.

I’m 35 years old and my penis has always curved slightly to the left, but over the years, it seems to be leaning more and more. When I first noticed it, I checked with my doctor, and his response was, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!” Now I’m wondering if this is something I should be concerned about?

The Downs side: Penises can curve up, down, or sideways, and be completely normal. But since you say yours is curving more over time, it sounds like you could have a condition called Peyronie’s disease. Doctors believe this condition (I think “disease” is too strong a word, but that’s the official name) is caused by abnormal scarring in the tunica albuginea, the thin sheath of tissue that surrounds the spongy erectile chambers of the penis. Rough handling can make microscopic tears in the tunica albuginea. The scar tissue formed when these tiny wounds heal can, over time, make the penis bend one way when it’s erect. Men often develop Peyronie’s after a major penis injury. A guy can “break” his erect penis by bending it too much, thus causing the tunica albuginea to rip. That’s a hazard if your lover rides you too hard, or if you’re into daggering (a dancehall term originally used for explicit movements simulating rough sex between dance partners that may have led to a trend for actual rough sex off the dance floor).

Nevertheless, most men with Peyronie’s can’t remember having ever had such an injury. Some men may be genetically prone to Peyronie’s, so that it doesn’t take extreme trauma to bring on the condition. For those with a genetic predisposition, the daily wear and tear of stroking and poking could be enough to cause abnormal scarring.

I suggest that you go see your doctor again, or go to a urologist who knows a thing or two about Peyronie’s, and get an actual diagnosis. Depending upon how big a problem it is for you, a doctor might suggest treating the condition with drugs, or just take a waitand-see approach. For some men, Peyronie’s is painful and causes difficulty getting erections. You haven’t mentioned any of these symptoms, but keep in mind that Peyronie’s often gets worse over time. Treatment may include injections of drugs into the penis to break up the scar tissue, along with medications taken by mouth. If your symptoms aren’t all that troubling, a doctor might prescribe a drug called Potaba, which may help to keep the condition from getting worse.

The Pet doctor: The penis is a spongy network of erectile tissue that becomes erect when blood fills it. Minor blockages in the spongy tissue often increase with age, and if it happens on one side more than the other, it leads to greater curvature. Although there is no research that shows masturbation causes curving, it appears that a majority of men complain of a leftward bend, and given that a majority of men are right-handed, there is a possibility that a rough, abusive masturbation style might be contributing to spongy-tissue injury and blockage. If the bend is significant, greater than 70 degrees, it is usually indicative of Peyronie’s disease.

With Peyronie’s or a significant curvature, the only way of straightening the penis is through a surgical procedure, where the opposite side of the penis is surgically shortened. Since there are all kinds of complications that can arise from such surgery, this is not really what you want for a curvature that isn’t severe. In addition, there are all kinds of penis-flexion devices and other gimmicks that are advertised to treat a curved willy, but I am skeptical of their usefulness, as the only proven way to straighten the bend is to break up the plaque of fibrous tissue on the opposite side, and I doubt that any nonsurgical intervention can do that.

However, a moderate curvature shouldn’t affect your sex life. When you masturbate, use plenty of lube and make sure you are gentle on your friend. The look of your tool shouldn’t make a difference as long as you know how to use it correctly. When having intercourse with a woman, position her in such a way as to reach her G spot, in her upper vaginal wall (the one on the underside of her belly), with your penis—that’s why they sell curved sex toys. If you’re really concerned, have a urologist examine you and make recommendations.

I hooked up with a girl who’s into breast-biting. The first time she told me to do it, I did, and she came like crazy. The problem is, she says I’m too gentle. Aren’t a woman’s breasts supposed to be sensitive? Could this woman be impervious to pain? I don’t want to cause any damage to her.

The Pet doctor: When it comes to nipple sensitivity, every woman (and man) is different. Some like their nipples licked and sucked gently, while others prefer harder stimulation, like nibbles and even bites. For many women, nipples have a direct connection to their clit; some women can even climax from nipple stimulation alone. Your girl may have a little masochistic inclination, or she may just need that much stimulation. Her nipples may be naturally less sensitive, or she may have desensitized them with rough play or nipple clamps. Many women have less sensitive nipples after breast-feeding. In fact, their nipples may be accustomed to a good deal of abuse. Don’t be afraid to give her what she wants, or she will find someone else who will happily oblige.

The Downs side: Yes, breasts are extremely sensitive to pleasure and pain. When you bite her, it definitely hurts. It probably hurts a lot. But some people get off by mixing pain with pleasure, and this woman is one of them. I fully appreciate your fear of doing injury to her, as well as your reluctance to mar her pretty breasts with black-and-blue bite marks. But if there’s anything you can do to make your lover come like crazy, you should do it. Even if you don’t understand it, even if you find it distasteful, do it.

My girlfriend of six months has a really hot BFF, and my girlfriend has told me on several occasions that she wouldn’t mind if I wanted to hook up with her friend. My inner voice tells me she wouldn’t mind in theory, but if I really did go ahead and fuck her friend she’d probably get really pissed off and dump me, so I haven’t. Could she be setting me up?

The Pet doctor: Whether or not she is intentionally setting you up, chances are if you take her up on her offer and actually screw her girlfriend, she will treat it as treason. She is probably just testing you to see if you have eyes for other women and if you can resist temptation and remain faithful to her. And even if the thought of it turns her on, the reality of you actually doing it will be a major turnoff to her.

As you suspect, her theory might be that she wouldn’t mind, but she really doesn’t know in advance how she will feel when she finds out you actually dipped your cock in her best friend’s pussy. She also might be ignoring the potential for a backstabbing or a jealous move by her girlfriend, who might attempt to break you up. No matter how tempting you might find this forbidden fruit, to take a bite of this apple means you will lose your Eden!

If she keeps on about this, and if you feel you really can’t resist, the only way to play the game is to include your girlfriend in a hot ménage à trios, then watch and listen carefully for her clues as to what you can or cannot do with her pal. No matter what happens, make sure that at the end of the threesome, you tell your girlfriend that she is much, much hotter than her BFF.

The Downs side: I agree, it sounds like a backhanded invitation. I’m guessing that you may have let on too much about how hot you think this BFF is, and your girlfriend is testing you. Of course, it’s also possible that your girlfriend wants an open relationship and doesn’t know how to talk about it with you in those terms. She may be offering her friend to you as an excuse to fuck one of your friends without feeling guilty—a tit for a tat.

What’s missing is the BFF. What does she have to say? Has your girlfriend talked to her about this? How do you know the BFF wants to fuck you, anyhow?

The only thing for you to do is to tell your girlfriend that you might be open to it, but that the three of you would need to sit down together and discuss it face-to-face. If she sincerely wants to share you with her best friend, she should be willing to have that conversation. If she isn’t, then you’ll know she is up to shenanigans. In that case, don’t be shy about calling her out. Whatever her deal is, you’re sure to find out eventually. My advice is, better sooner than later.

Are there any natural aphrodisiacs that actually work for both men and women?

The Downs side: That all depends on what you mean by “aphrodisiac,” and what you mean by “natural.” If your idea of an aphrodisiac is a love potion with the power to make a person wanton and insatiable, that’s one thing. If you’re thinking of something that improves sexual function or enhances the sexual experience, that’s something else. And would an aphrodisiac be natural only if you could pick it in a garden, or would it be natural if it were a compound processed without the use of any petrochemicals?

Let’s say, for simplicity’s sake, that an aphrodisiac is a substance that arouses sexual desire. And let’s define “natural” as something that’s not made in a laboratory.

Any drug that stimulates the central nervous system can excite sexual desire. Drugs that depress the central nervous system also can arouse desire by relaxing inhibitions. This means a plethora of recreational drugs could properly be called “aphrodisiacs.”

But if we’re looking only for natural aphrodisiacs, we have to eliminate sexy stimulants like cocaine and Ecstasy. Marijuana is natural by definition, and it has aphrodisiac effects for some people, but most would say that getting stoned doesn’t necessarily make them horny. Alcohol is totally natural, and there’s no argument that a couple of drinks can make you feel frisky. More than a couple tends to have the opposite effect, however. Then there’s caffeine. Many people, myself included, would call it a necessity of life, not an aphrodisiac, but it is a stimulant and it is natural, so for our purposes here it counts.

What about the fabled Spanish fly? Well, that’s a real thing, and it’s natural: It’s merely crushed beetles. Cantharidin, the active chemical in Spanish fly, is supposed to achieve its aphrodisiac effect by inflaming and irritating the genitals. That irritation should arouse a great desire to scratch the itch, literally. In that sense, it works, but probably not in a way that you’d enjoy. It’s also a deadly poison. Take just a tad too much, and you can end up with kidney failure.

All these things can help to arouse a desire for sex in various ways, but none of them really creates desire. Only one thing does: the hormone testosterone. It’s an abundance of testosterone that makes men, especially young men, the sex fiends that they are. Testosterone is less central to female sex drives, but still is an important factor.

The pharmaceutical industry has tried, and so far failed, to get testosterone supplements approved as a treatment for low libido—i.e., an aphrodisiac—in women. But testosterone is currently available by prescription for men with “low T” (a term coined by drug marketers). As a man ages, and as he becomes worn down by stress, monotony, and bad habits, his testosterone level decreases, and so does his mojo. Synthetic testosterone by prescription isn’t natural by our definition, but you can maintain or restore healthy testosterone levels without it.

It all comes down to staying in good physical health, feeling good about yourself, and keeping your sexual pilot light lit: Never neglect your sex life to the point that it becomes routine and boring. Even if you’re happily monogamous, and have no intention of straying, keep flirting with attractive people. Researchers have found that for heterosexual men, simply talking to an attractive woman increases testosterone levels. For both men and women, successful flirting, even if it doesn’t go anywhere, confirms that you’re sexually desirable, and that may be the best aphrodisiac of all.

The Pet doctor: An aphrodisiac is any substance that increases sexual desire, and there are plenty of them around. For example, there are a number of natural scents that have been found to increase desire; licorice and cucumber were the most effective in triggering a sexual response in both women and men. Vanilla, peppermint, cinnamon, and jasmine have also been shown to enhance sexual desire, particularly in women. Look for perfumes, shower gels, and air fresheners that include those scents. The smell of banana nut bread has also been found to be an aphrodisiac, so get that scent in your house by baking (or reheating) some loaves and she’ll be in your bed before you know it.

There are also many herbs that have been found to enhance libido, such as yohimbe bark, arugula, tribulus, damiana, ginseng, ginkgo biloba, kelp, balut, borojo, maca, and, of course, horny goat weed. Consult a specialist in natural medicine before consuming these herbs in large quantities, as they can be dangerous if not taken properly.

Certain foods have been shown to increase libido in both sexes. For example, oysters are known aphrodisiacs. They are high in zinc, a mineral used in the production of testosterone. Oysters also contain dopamine, another libido-enhancing chemical that increases motivation for all pleasurable activities, including sex. Indeed, most seafood is good for your libido, particularly fish, which are rich in omega-3 fatty acids. In moderation (and when it doesn’t interfere with your ability to get a good night’s sleep), caffeine also increases dopamine. This may be why research shows that coffee drinkers are more sexually active than non-coffee drinkers. But don’t overdo your java or caffeine-enhanced colas—too much caffeine will act as a vasoconstrictor, reducing your erection.

Chocolate, long viewed as the original aphrodisiac, not only has an ap pealing taste, it contains phenyl ethylamine, or PEA, con sidered the “love chemical” due to its effect in triggering sexual desire. It also contains theobromine, a substance similar to caffeine. These are some of the reasons men have traditionally used chocolate to put their women in the mood for sex. But too much chocolate will cause a spike in blood sugar and then make her crash, so a little goes a long way. Cheese also contains PEA, as do apples and almonds. Stock your pantry with chocolate-covered apples and al mond bars and a selection of fine cheeses.

In addition to the libido-enhancers mentioned above, foods that improve circulation can help you increase genital arousal. These include olives, olive oil, garlic, nuts, and beans. Ginger root also improves circulation, and it stimulates nerve endings, intensifying sexual sensations. It’s a natural pain reliever as well. Men in India rub ginger paste on their wives’ temples to eliminate that pesky “headache.” If you like spicy food, use chili peppers to heat up your sex life. They contain capsaicin, which stimulates nerve endings to release chemicals that raise the heart rate and trigger the release of endorphins.

Finally, nutmeg has been empirically proven to stimulate libido in male rats by increasing their erections and mounting frequency when consumed for seven days. Why not give it a try and see if it does the same for you or your partner? Of course, lab-rat research is not always applicable to humans. According to a new study, male mouse tears are aphrodisiacs to female mice as they contain a sex pheromone called ESP1, which makes female mice more receptive to mounting. Unfortunately, having your girlfriend swallow your tears is not likely to have the same effect.

I’ve just started a sexual relationship with this guy I’ve known for several months. The sex is really, really good, but at heart I’m a submissive. How can I get him to take a more dominant role in bed?

The Pet doctor: I am a big fan of direct communication. Tell him your favorite positions are missionary with his body crushing yours to the bed, or doggie with a bit of hair-pulling and ass-spanking. Give him effusive praise and lots of kisses when he takes charge. Next, you can initiate role-playing by giving him a sexy striptease before kneeling nude at his feet with a sweet “I am your sex slave, use me any way you wish!”

If you want him to go further, give him a peek into your fantasies—like the one where the handsome pirate ties you to the bed and alternately teases and fucks you until you’re begging him to take you all the way. If he shows interest, you can bring out those bonds you’ve been hiding in your drawer. Or you could take him shopping at an adult store and linger over the bondage and discipline gear until he asks about your interest in it. However, the more direct you make your desires, the easier it will be to get him to dominate you in just the way you want—and most men really prefer women to be direct.

The Downs side: If the sex is, as you say, “really, really good,” some might wonder, What’s the problem? Many people would gladly settle for really, really good sex—or even really good, good, and pretty darned good sex. But I respect your aspiration to have great, really great, or even really, really great sex.

If you’re truly a submissive and the sex is as good as you say, then I think he must be taking a somewhat dominant role of his own accord. Your next move will depend upon the particular way in which you want to be dominated. Sexual domination and submission takes many forms, and plays out many different ways. Some people occasionally play dominant and submissive roles in erotic games that have clear boundaries. When they’re done playing, they step out of those roles. Others make a lifestyle out of being sexually dominant or submissive, and they take it quite seriously.

Domination and submission play typically revolves around a fantasy in which the dominant is the master and the submissive is some kind of slave. The dominant typically inflicts mild pain and humiliation upon the submissive, who, since it’s consensual play, enjoys it.

And don’t confuse the idea of sexual dominance and submission with rough sex. If your idea of being dominated is getting fucked hard and slapped around, that’s different from, say, spending hours ironing your master’s shirts in high heels with a spatula stuck up your ass.

But the best approach to getting what you crave sexually is to tell him exactly what you want. In order to do that, you have to figure out what it is, and how best to explain it.