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Archive for the ‘Ask Dr. Z’ Category

Q:
Every girl I go out with seems to wait at least three dates before letting me into her pants. Is there an unspoken rule that women secretly agreed upon about dating guys? Is there a way to get her to violate this rule? And what should I do to appear less desperate to get her to put out—shag that homely but ready-and-willing broad at the neighborhood bar?

A:
Yes, most women abide by a hookup time line inculcated in us by a society that deems us “loose,” not to mention desperate, if we jump your bones on the first date. But many of you guys actually write these “rules” by dividing women into two groups—either Madonnas or whores, as some shrinks put it. (Of course, most women want you to think of them as Madonnas.) Moreover, men are natural-born hunters—and we are the prey—so it would be rather unbecoming for the fish to swallow the hook without the bait. You are supposed to supply bait in the form of a few dates with sweet words and desserts, and this pursuit is termed “courtship.”

Don’t fret about it; such is the law of nature. Most vertebrate males of every species have to put in some work before they get laid. The exact number of dates before we succumb to your seduction varies depending on geographical region and other factors, although most women try to avoid having sex on the first two dates—longer if the man is relationship material.

There are exceptions, of course. If she is really horny or really liberated, if you are really hot or really loaded, or if she has just broken up with her ex and is looking for revenge or rebound loving or a one-night stand, you can get in without the wait. The rest of the time, you can expedite things a bit by learning the art of skillful seduction—although learning to delay gratification may be easier than becoming a world class Casanova. Taking her to Tiffany’s is likely to move up her time line—in the animal world it is termed a “copulatory gift,” and the size of the gift determines whether the male praying mantis gets laid or gets his head ripped off.

With respect to letting out some steam to appear less horny, you can certainly shag that neighborhood slut; but remember, you can spoil your appetite by eating junk food before the feast. Whether you should go that route depends on how hungry you are—and how homely she is.

Q:
My penis is getting me really bummed out. No matter what I do and what drug I take, I just cannot achieve a firm hard-on. Am I getting old? (I just turned 45.) How can I whip my dick into shape?

A:
Many men feel your pain. Indeed, 10 to 15 percent of men your age experience some degree of erectile dysfunction (ED). Although age alone doesn’t cause ED, it is definitely a factor. Hormone levels change drastically at around 40 years of age, and declining testosterone can be responsible for diminishing erections. Another big cause of erectile issues is vascular or heart problems. An erection is all about blood flow, so if your vessels are blocked you won’t get enough blood to fully engorge your penis. In fact, ED is often an early warning sign—men with ED are 80 percent more likely to suffer a heart attack or stroke. Diabetes is another big culprit, as it can damage the blood vessels. Other medical conditions, such as a pituitary disorder or liver damage, can also affect erectile functioning.

Get a complete medical checkup to see if any of these conditions underlie your penile problems, and make sure that any medications prescribed to correct your medical condition don’t further aggravate your ED. About 25 percent of ED cases are caused by drugs such as antidepressants and medications for hair loss.

Stress can also be an erection downer, as the cortisol released by our bodies during stress lowers testosterone. Changing your lifestyle, such as cutting down on drinking and smoking, will also do wonders for your weenie. Hitting the gym is one of the best ways to improve your erectile function, as working out boosts your testosterone level, improves your vascular and cardiac health, and reduces stress—not to mention the exposure you get to lots of fit eye candy, which is in itself a great penile motivator.

Finally, consider this paradox: Getting your mind to focus less on your cock and more on her pleasure is bound to improve your erection. A watched pot never boils, and a watched penis never hardens. Make it all about her—kiss and caress her, give her massages, and give her great head; before you know it, you will be stiff and screwing. The less pressure you put on your penis, the more likely it is to perform for you.